I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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