Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
