things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My bed smells like the plague
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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