Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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