I haven't been this sober since birth.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
