i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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