Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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