When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
