found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
