And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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