Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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