I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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