she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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