Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize