You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
