I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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