I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
