I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
