We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
