Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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