Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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