what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
