Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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