i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
