Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
