Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
