They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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