I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
