Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
