Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
