The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
