i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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