Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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