I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
