you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
