I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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