I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
