Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
