I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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