I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
