tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
