She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
there is puke in my bra ... again
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
