well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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