If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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