I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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