I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
