Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
