Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
