Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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