Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
