We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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