I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
