Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
