so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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