I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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