i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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